Hello ladies!
Look at your spam, now back to mine, now back at your spam, now back to mine.
Sadly, it isn’t mine. But if you stopped over spamming and gave a crap, it could look like mine.
Look down; back up, where are you? You’re on in a forum, with the spam your spam could like!
Look at my hand, now back to me. I have it! A religion! That could solve all your problems.
Look again. The religion is now diamonds!
Anything is possible if you accept Melfinism.
I’m on a kitten.

Ponk was looking through spam. He saw all the trash that was being posted. He was saddened at this. He called to his servant and ordered a liquid that was as close to tea as possible without actually being tea. The liquid he received was almost, but not entirely unlike tea. Out raged, he flared his nostrils. He flared his nostrils so hard that his to say his nostrils were flared would be an understatement to both nostrils and flair. His nostrils flared so large that a booger exploded out and placed itself in the middle of France. It’s now known as the Eiffel Tower. Ponk was disgusted by the world around him. It was so full of complete trash, that it made trash look trashier than trash. This trash was terrible. Then he saw it. A figure, like a beacon of light. It floated in mid-air, much in the way a brick doesn’t. He walked towards the light but wasn’t getting any closer. He started to run. He ran faster than faster. He ran faster than the speed of light. He made light look like the obese kid at the lunch table across from you. He ran faster than Kenya. It wasn’t even considered running. It was considered… Shenanigans. As soon as Ponk reached the point of Shenanigans, the figure shot backwards and hit Ponk at full force. He rolled Ponk around 9001 times and pinned him to the ground. The figure looked familiar, but he couldn’t quite figure out who it was. The figure screamed at him.

“HOW DARE YOU DO SHENANIGANS?!?”

Ponk screamed back “HOW DARE YOU TACKLE ME?!?”

The figure replied “HOW DARE YOU LISTEN TO WHAT I’M ABOUT TO TELL YOU?!? Actually, please do.”


In the beginning, there was Kenny. Kenny had always existed, therefore making no beginning. But the story starts as in the beginning, so there must be a beginning. But Kenny always existed, so there was no beginning. Anydangways, there was Kenny. Enough said. There was nothing other than Kenny, so he created the Earth. The Earth was boring and without life. So Kenny created Michael. Michael made a game that everyone could play and enjoy. This game was called Battledawn. Then Kenny realized something. There were no people to play the game! He then created people. They loved Battledawn, but it was lacking something. No one knew what it was. One day, Michael had to take a crap and out came the spam section. And what a crap it was! It provided enjoyment for all to laugh at, post in, and aimlessly waste their time. They all rejoiced Kenny for making this. This became known as Melfinism.
The world was perfect. Completely perfect. More perfect than Megan Fox. More perfect than two camels in a tiny car! But then it got bad. Oh, so bad. There was a force in the world that Kenny didn’t create. It was called Shenanigans. It was evil. Pure evil. Shenanigans were anything that Kenny didn’t approve of. Kenny first saw it on a bright Thursday afternoon. A single, terrible, evil, shenanigan. He raged. He raged so hard that his face distorted. His lip curled in a frown so curved that it looked like a donkey. The wrinkles ran through his face and made deep crevices. One popped off and is now known as the Grand Canyon. His eyebrows pointed down, making the twin towers. Steam sifted out of his nostrils, like a train preparing to run over a squirrel. His eyes had red streaks through them, bulging out, like the mountains of Mars. Kenny was furious. He was so furious that the word furious wasn’t capable of describing how furious this furious Kenny really was. Kenny wrote the word furious on a wall then round house kicked it into exactly 9001 pieces. Each piece, with the first two letters of the word written on it. That’s how furious Kenny was. A single piece of his beard popped off in his rage. It ran away and grew up to be Chuck Norris. Kenny whipped out his ban hammer and struck the shenanigan with the force of a flying semen… I mean Simmen. The entire world was banned. Kenny was happy. His mouth curved in a smile. The smile looked like an elephant. Then he realized the extent of what he had done. He went away and cried. A space cow came along and tried to cheer him up. Suddenly Kenny was happy.
“FRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDD!!!”, He screamed, restraining himself from dry humping the space cow.
Kenny decided to unban everything except for Shenanigans. So he whipped out his banhammer, swung backwards, gulped, and ate everything in sight. Everything was unbanned. Kenny smiled as everything was great again. Unknown to him at the time, a single shenanigan escaped. It was known as Obama. Obama rose and re-spread shenanigans around the world. Kenny could not control it all. The war against shenanigans rages on to this very day.

By the time the figure finished talking, a campfire, a log house, and popcorn had been made to relax and enjoy the story. Ponk finally understood what he had to do. He had to rise and fight shenanigans. He had to spread Melfinism throughout spam. He had to eat only Ramon Noodles and drink only redbull and 5 hour energy. He decided to bring back the times of ponies, kittehs, empires, and suggestive puns. As the realization dawned upon him, he smiled and it looked like a sliver. A sliver of hope for spam. A single tear came to Ponk’s eye as he realized the significance of what was said. Then he was like “OH, WAIT. I’M A MAN.” and went wood-cutting. After the deepness came back in his voice and the hair came back to his balls, he continued on. He walked into the wasteland of spam. Everyone was in hiding. He needed to get everyone’s attention and quickly. He screamed. He screamed loud. Louder than a train full of opera singers. Each opera singer had a steam whistle for a nose with a tornado coming out of each one. The tornados each had an orchestra spinning around. The train was about to run over a pile of sticks that were all screaming. Long story short, it was louder than a duck. The scream rippled throughout spam awakening spammers from all times and bringing in new spammers. Ponk proclaimed the news of Melfinism. He yelled “WINNING!” and sprayed tiger blood and orphan tears everywhere. Everyone understood. Spam turned around and became great once again with new enthusiasm. Ponies were ridden once again and people would listen when they were told “Get on my horse.” Kittehs were in abundance once again and Kenny looked down and smiled upon spam. It was great once again.

Here these words. Repent shenanigans.