Well good sir, you've come to the right place for knowledge on fire starting! Matches? Who needs them? Bombs? Mediocre. Chemical reactions that heat up so fast that the natural burning point of an object is overcome? Child's play.
What you need is SPLOOF! Sploof is a product that is literally FIRE IN YOUR HANDS. Have you ever wanted to throw a hadouken into your friend's face!? Well just eat a Sploof! Have you ever wondered how Mario was able to throw fireballs? SPLOOF! Sploof comes in a can, and upon ingesting 1 pellet of the product you become spontaneously combustible. With a quick snap or loud grunt of justice, you can throw your hands into the air and a fireball will come straight out of your body. Don't believe me!? Here's some testimonies!
Man: At first I didn't believe in Sploof, but then I charged mah lazors and let 'er rip! My friend was caught on fire and had 3rd degree burns!
Man 2: OH GOD WHY IS MY HAND ON FIRE MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!!
So try Sploof today!
Disclaimer: This product is illegal in about 90% of all countries. Here are a list of countries that allow it: America and Kazakhstan. Your hands will catch on fire, and you will burn something substantially. You may die of 3rd degree burns. The product has known carcinogens and has a 95% chance of giving you cancer in some form. This product causes bad bowel movements, crippling back pains, debilitating nerve damage, and has been known to cause organ failure within 4 seconds of ingestion. Lol.What are you waiting for!?
